Christmas 2008

It took a couple of weeks for my husband that I love to get registered with various job services and state agencies. He went to training meetings on building networks, creating resumes, being a good employee, yada, yada, yada. It all felt mundane and applied to others. Not us. All we needed was a job. Something to bring in some income until we could make a better plan. The job never came. The country's unemployment rate was hitting an all time high. Job freezes were nationwide. Stimulus packages were being created to bailout the auto companies and other organizations. This didn't help us at all.

Emotions were raw and close to the surface that whole month. In the back of my head were thoughts of failure and inadequecy and a lot of "What were we thinking?". I found it simply easy to withdrawl and become invisible. It was easy to stay at home. No one asked questions. No one saw the tears. I wanted to think it was the high levels of hormone meds I'd been on, but I knew the truth. Deep down inside, things felt hopeless.

We took a spontaneous trip with enough money to get us there and back in our pocket. We went to visit husband that love's sister for a weekend. We left to find solace and the Spirit of Christmas somewhere else. We visited a religious site decorated in lights. The fresh snow and peace and quiet seemed to restore my soul, temporarily anyway. Our children loved the time with cousins and seeing the lights in the big downtown display. They felt things and experienced things that I can never put into words. It was a reassuring thing to not feel alone or abandoned by God. We were somehow on the right track. I think.

Luckily,  I still had my part time job. Because it was a business just starting out, I wasn't paid regularly. I finally got up the nerve to ask for my paycheck four days before Christmas. We paid a couple of bills and had a little bit left to buy our children a few gifts. A card arrived in the mail from my parents with a note attached:

"We didn't spend as much as we thought we would on Christmas this year because of sales, discounts, etc. Please use this giftcard for whatever you need. Love. Mom and Dad."

Husband that I love and I went to Walmart and spent the giftcard on kids 1, 2 and 3. Our children had a nice Christmas morning. We were adults and could go without. We did go without presents and material things, but we had the most important gifts in the world right under one roof.

We had each other.
We had a warm home, electricity, food on the table and our health.
All of these blessings from God were never unappreciated.
Having nothing helped us realize that in all actuality, we really had everything.

I can sum it all up in one of my favorite phrases:

To The World You May Be One Person But To One Person You May Be The World 

Husband that I love, Kid 1,2 and 3 are my world...